Dew

Life is fragile
like the dew hanging
delicately on the grass,
Crystal drops that will
be carried away on the 
first morning breeze.

-Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche

The Essential Nature of Mind

No words can describe it

No example can point to it

Samsara does not make it worse

Nirvana does not make it better

It has never been born

It has never ceased

It has never been liberated

It has never been deluded

It has never existed

It has never been nonexistent

It has no limits at all

It does not fall into any kind of category.

-Dudjom Rinpoche

Richard III

A Letter to Annie

Annie Modesitt is an incredible knitter, designer and author.  She writes a blog Modeknit/Knitting Heretic.  It's one of my "go to" sites for inspiration.  Sometimes it's knitting, sometimes a chuckle, sometime a political view...but it's always interesting.

She also writes about her family and how they are dealing with her diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and her husband's diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma.  Her willingness to share her feelings has encouraged me to write a bit more about my thoughts-- my struggles with depression, my fears of moving, my empty nest.  

A few days ago, she wrote about "Bridging Fear."   Her frankness and fearlessness in putting her feelings into words left me wanting to respond.  So I left her a comment on her blog.  

And I am going to share it here, as well...because...well, I don't know.  Maybe it will help someone else.

Dear Annie-

Over the years, your words have brought me comfort and inspiration--along with many smiles and giggles.  We are the same age; we share the same interests and education, and your daughter shares my birthday.. so I have felt a certain connection with you.

I understand the war zone analogy...and I also understand the weariness and numbness.  I put up with a verbally abusive marriage for 28 years.

I don’t know what will work for you.  I have no magic words to make anything easier.  I only know what worked for me.

On March 13, 2007, Franklin Habit wrote on his blog “The Panopticon”  a quote from Lord Buddha-

“These are two things Buddhism has taught me, and that I believe:

1. All things are impermanent and change is constant.
2. Suffering arises from the desire to hang on to things that are impermanent or control that which cannot be controlled.”

These words profoundly changed my life.  I realized that the only things that I could control were MY actions and REactions to life events or to other people’s actions.  Because of these words, I stopped reacting when my (now ex) husband tried to pick a fight or belittle me. It diffused the anger in me.  And it gave me the strength to leave the marriage.

Another quote that helped was from Anthony Hopkins-

“My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.”     

 Annie- you are what you are.  You are the best YOU that has ever been created. 

I understand the “big scaries” that are out there.  How will I be able to keep a roof over my and my childrens’  heads?  How can I do this alone? How will I survive?  

Annie- you will not only survive... you will THRIVE.

These years you have had with Gerry have been and will continue to be precious.  And in watching how you two deal with the everyday struggles of life... and yes, death... your children will learn the true meaning of honor, commitment and love.  And these lessons they will pass on.  And so you will change the world.

Yep, I know you would like the merry-go-round instead of the roller coaster right now.  

But truthfully, the roller coaster is a LOT more interesting in the long run.

If it were easy, anyone could do it.

But you are not just “anyone”.  You are Annie Modesitt.  Incredible designer. Incredible knitter.  Incredible wife.  Incredible mother.  Incredible woman.

You are extraordinary.

And as Stephen Schwartz said “When you are extraordinary, you gotta do extraordinary things.”

You are in my prayers.

This and That from the beginning of January

I'm writing this from my desk in Shreveport, or as my router name says "MCR West."   I am here for another week or so, then it's back to Georgia for about 10 days, then back to Shreveport until the end of April.  Oh, there is this big chunk of March when I am heading to Brazil aboard my beloved Crystal Serenity, but that is for later.

Only two people have looked at my Georgia home since August, so it looks like it will take some time in selling the old place.  We shall see, we shall see. It's waaayyy down on my list of things to accomplish in 2013.

Before she left to head back to Georgia Tech, I got this cute photo of Alix.



Come on--shouldn't EVERYONE have  her Chemistry lab coat monogrammed?

Alix and I switched cars for a while, as I needed to make a "big" haul to Louisiana.  All my clothes, my desktop computer, my jewelry cases, my painting and sewing supplies...well, basically most of my life.



Try as I might, I couldn't seem to get more than a few hours' sleep.  So I quit tossing and turning, and just got up and went.



You know, it's not bad driving on the interstate at 4am!!!

First thing I did on Monday morning was join a gym!



The Captain and I have a gym workout buddy arrangement.  We report to each other daily on whether we went (actually, why we DIDN'T go if we did not), and what we did.  Keeps us accountable and on track to make 2013 the BEST YEAR EVER.

I've really enjoyed the past two weeks, getting back to walking, discovering water aerobics and kick-starting myself a little at a time.  Being back in a pool is GREAT- and a good way to meet some new people.

Alix had her 19th birthday--the first one away from me away from home....



But her peeps made sure she was celebrated!!!!!!

We have a lot of family birthdays in January.  First up was Ed.



Remember that Ed is notoriously camera shy......(insert evil big sister laugh here).

Niece Ella, however, is not.



Cousins Buzz and Ashley and their girls joined us, and I got lots of pics of Buzz and Julie across the table from me.



Julie still has a protective brace on her elbow from the New York debacle, but at least her cast is off!

My mother knows that Ed really doesn't like attention drawn to himself.  Which is why she made sure he had a cupcake complete with candle and a round of singing.



 We are evil that way.

He was a good sport about it all.  I do believe he's getting better with age!

Mary Cecile, Emerson and Julia loved their cupcakes.



And Ella....well, Ella has that "you're coming home with ME, baby!" that she always has where chocolate is concerned!



My mother's birthday followed on the 20th, and we had a lovely brunch with Kris and her son Jack, but, alas, no photos.  It's just one of those things!