I call myself a Christian Buddhist now, but I am still a member of the Episcopal Church and have been all my life. "Catholic Lite"--all of the pomp and circumstance, with none of the mortal sins. Now that I think about it, "Christian Buddhist" and "Episcopalian" are pretty much synonymous....
So for all you "Whiskeypalians" ---have a laugh at yourselves...............
YOU MIGHT BE AN EPISCOPALIAN IF.....
. . . when you watch Star Wars and they say "May the force be with you," you automatically reply, "And also with you."
. . . if someone says, "Let us pray" and you automatically hit your knees.
. . . if you recognize your neighbor, or rector, in the local liquor store and go over to greet him/her.
. . . if you have totally memorized Rite I, Rite II, and the first three episodes of The Vicar of Dibley.
. . . if words like: "vouchsafe", "oblation", "supplications", "succor" and "bewail" are familiar to you even if you don't have a clue that they mean.
. . .if your groomsmen at your wedding whisper "with God's help" to you during your vows after you say "I will".
. . . if the sight of a woman in a clerical collar doesn't make you cringe.
. . . if you can rattle off such tongue twisters like: ". . . who made there by his one oblation of himself once offered a full and perfect sacrifice, oblation and satisfaction for the sins of the world" and "Wherefore, O, Lord and Heavenly Father, we thy people, do celebrate and make here, with these gifts which we offer unto thee, the memorial thy Son hath commanded us to make . . ." and "we most heartily thank thee for that thou does feed us, in these holy mysteries, with the spiritual food of the most precious Body and Blood of thy Son our Savior Jesus Christ" without missing a beat.
. . . if while looking for a can opener in the church kitchen, all you can find are four corkscrews.
. . . if your choir director suggests discussing something over a beer after choir rehearsal.
. . . if you catch yourself genuflecting or bowing as you enter a row of seats in a theater.
. . . if you visit any Protestant church, and when you get seated you say, "Where are the kneelers?"
. . . or, "Where is the altar?!"
. . . if you can pronounce "innumerable benefits procured unto us by the same."
. . . if you know the best way to quiet a room full of them: "The Lord be with you!"
. . . if you ever find yourself saying, "Oh, but we've never done it that way before."
. . . if your covered dish for the potluck dinner is escargot in puff shells.
. . .if you know that a primate isn't just a monkey.
. . . if you know that a sursum corda is not a surgical procedure.
. . . if you don't think Agnus Dei is a woman.
. . . if your picnic basket has sterling knives and forks (entree, fish, salad and cake).
. . . if you know that the nave is not a playing card.
. . . if your friend said "I'm truly sorry." and you replied, "and you humbly repent?"
. . .if you consider a sticker on your car to be an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.
. . .if you know that "humble access" has nothing to do with a security clearance.
. . . if, while watching the movie "The Madness of King George" you were able to recite the Collect for Purity with the King when he undergoes surgery.
. . . if you know that the Senior Warden and the Junior Warden are not positions in the local prison.
. . . if you think the most serious breach of propriety one can commit is failure to chill the salad plates.
. . . if you not only talk about God, but God is placed in the palm of your hand.
And finally,
. . . if you reach a point when you're not sure about anything theologically but you still feel completely at home at the altar rail and somehow know you're meeting God there, even though you can't begin to understand how.
. . . if someone says, "Let us pray" and you automatically hit your knees.
. . . if you recognize your neighbor, or rector, in the local liquor store and go over to greet him/her.
. . . if you have totally memorized Rite I, Rite II, and the first three episodes of The Vicar of Dibley.
. . . if words like: "vouchsafe", "oblation", "supplications", "succor" and "bewail" are familiar to you even if you don't have a clue that they mean.
. . .if your groomsmen at your wedding whisper "with God's help" to you during your vows after you say "I will".
. . . if the sight of a woman in a clerical collar doesn't make you cringe.
. . . if you can rattle off such tongue twisters like: ". . . who made there by his one oblation of himself once offered a full and perfect sacrifice, oblation and satisfaction for the sins of the world" and "Wherefore, O, Lord and Heavenly Father, we thy people, do celebrate and make here, with these gifts which we offer unto thee, the memorial thy Son hath commanded us to make . . ." and "we most heartily thank thee for that thou does feed us, in these holy mysteries, with the spiritual food of the most precious Body and Blood of thy Son our Savior Jesus Christ" without missing a beat.
. . . if while looking for a can opener in the church kitchen, all you can find are four corkscrews.
. . . if your choir director suggests discussing something over a beer after choir rehearsal.
. . . if you catch yourself genuflecting or bowing as you enter a row of seats in a theater.
. . . if you visit any Protestant church, and when you get seated you say, "Where are the kneelers?"
. . . or, "Where is the altar?!"
. . . if you can pronounce "innumerable benefits procured unto us by the same."
. . . if you know the best way to quiet a room full of them: "The Lord be with you!"
. . . if you ever find yourself saying, "Oh, but we've never done it that way before."
. . . if your covered dish for the potluck dinner is escargot in puff shells.
. . .if you know that a primate isn't just a monkey.
. . . if you know that a sursum corda is not a surgical procedure.
. . . if you don't think Agnus Dei is a woman.
. . . if your picnic basket has sterling knives and forks (entree, fish, salad and cake).
. . . if you know that the nave is not a playing card.
. . . if your friend said "I'm truly sorry." and you replied, "and you humbly repent?"
. . .if you consider a sticker on your car to be an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.
. . .if you know that "humble access" has nothing to do with a security clearance.
. . . if, while watching the movie "The Madness of King George" you were able to recite the Collect for Purity with the King when he undergoes surgery.
. . . if you know that the Senior Warden and the Junior Warden are not positions in the local prison.
. . . if you think the most serious breach of propriety one can commit is failure to chill the salad plates.
. . . if you not only talk about God, but God is placed in the palm of your hand.
And finally,
. . . if you reach a point when you're not sure about anything theologically but you still feel completely at home at the altar rail and somehow know you're meeting God there, even though you can't begin to understand how.
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